20 Funny Father’s Day Quotes

When it comes to fathers, there’s a whole lot to be said. From becoming a father for the first time to the journey through child-rearing! It’s no wonder why so many movies, comedians, and just everyone around you will have something to say when it comes to being a father!

If your dad has a good sense of humor, then you need to take a look at these funny Father’s Day quotes! Whether you’re looking for something to read aloud at a Father’s Day breakfast or some sentiments to write in his Father’s Day card, you’re bound to find something that will make him laugh!

Here’s a list of funny Father’s Day quotes that you will be glad you read!

Funny Father’s Day Quotes from Movies and TV

“Dad… you were like a father to me.”

Ethan Tremblay (Due Date)

“Dad, you’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re a very old man, and old people are useless.”

Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)

“Marriage is like a coffin, and each kid is another nail.”

Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)

“I’m not loving anybody that I’m not legally required to.”

Red Forman (That 70’s Show)

“You’re my children and I love you, but you’re all terrible at what you do here, and I feel like I should tell you. I’d fire all of you if I could.”

Bob Belcher (Bob’s Burgers)

“If my son thinks of me as one of his idiot friends, I’ve succeeded as a dad.”

Phil Dunphy (Modern Family)

Funny Father’s Day Quotes from Famous Personalities

“Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”

Ray Romano

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”

Charles Wadsworth

“I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.”

George W. Bush

“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself, and let your dad sleep.'”

Jim Gaffigan

“I was cesarean born. You can’t really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window.”

Steven Wright

“My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!”

Bill Cosby

“I hate this occasion because I can never find the right card because they’re all too nice. So, I usually end up getting the blank card with the tree on it; draw a little picture of myself hanging there.”

Margaret Smith

“I’m so ugly, my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”

Jon Stewart

“Never raise your hand to your kids… it leaves your groin unprotected.”

Red Button

“As each day passes, you grow older, weaker. I’ve been working out. Revenge is near. Happy Father’s Day.”

Dan Cummins

“Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too.”

Lionel Kauffman

“People ask what it’s like to have four kids, and I just tell them, ‘Picture that you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.'”

Jim Gaffigan

“My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.”

Bob Odenkirk

Laughter and Memories

Father’s Day is a great time for laughs and making memories with your father. Never forget the important man who gave you life! If there’s one single day out of the year that you really thank him for everything he has done for you, make it a Father’s Day to remember.

Take him out all day, and spend time with him. Years down the road, you’ll be recalling your very own funny Father’s Day quotes!

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